Time goes very quickly. Much to do. Yet I don’t always want to do it all. At the moment I am suppose to be researching on an Australia Artist who draws. The only problem is that I am having “oh that is awesome” envy; “I miss doing that” thoughts. Doing a painting that you enjoy is like eating yummy custard, in a nice hot bath, and being massaged at the same time (ok not every-ones idea of comfort and relaxation – but it sounds great to me). There is nothing like the feeling of satisfied exhaustion when your finished painting for the day. Its like some great need inside of you has been met, like for a moment you are lost in world where you are found.
I am a mother, a housekeeper and a wife. Being an artist is difficult. To be honest I haven’t really painted in months. Well I have but that is for the art course that I am doing. But that is not painting that is just doing the assignment set. I know I am learning but I so much long for the adrenaline rush that you get when you are so lost in what your doing that you forget the time. Its great. There is nothing like it, that is exploring the wonder of the moment that you are trying to capture in your painting. What I feel right now is frustration. When I do have time (which is hardly ever) I don’t know even where to start. Its like I have lost momentarily who I am, who the artist Cheryl is. Its like I have to revisit her and get to know what she can do. Come face to face with myself and be comfortable with who I am, to be at internal rest.
I believe that mistakes are permissible as long as you are willing to grow and learn from them. That is the freedom of art, is that you just can keep going exploring the wonders of the medium, discovering its twists and turns. Mistakes are many and the consequences are usually a bit of frustration, some rethinking and then more time of rediscovering. The consequences are usually not as drastic as irrationally yelling at a good friend or some other awful action.
I read today on Pauline Adair’s Blog “People, their expressions, colour, light, shadow…… fascinating how they affect one another….and I love to capture all these elements in a painting. I paint every day…I don’t want to go to my grave with my paintings still inside me… or to have any paint left over!” Her comment makes sense to me. Maybe not to you. For now I will just have to settle for the reality that I am a mother, a housekeeper and a wife, and believe it or not I am happy with that. Just every now and then I get a bit of an “oh I just want to paint” jitter.