What once was lost God has found

Carpark reflections_smlShe was the girl who giggled and played.  Her eyes were bright with wonder; she had an innocence about her.  She knew the Lord, her Daddy Jesus as she called Him.  She loved Him, delighted in His presence.  Whenever He was near, joy would rise in her heart and she’d giggle with delight.  She sang and danced to Him.  She knew Him intimately and always felt safe with Him.  The Lord surrounded her with His golden light. She didn’t want to be anywhere else but with her Daddy Jesus.  Because she was in His light, she didn’t know darkness.  God knew that she was too little to face the world unprotected.  He delighted in His precious little girl and didn’t want her to be touched or harmed by the trials of this world.  He hid her away under many protective layers.  Each layer took the brunt of her pain.  They became altered fragments of her original self; many harmful things attached themselves to her.  Her joy became hidden as the hurt grew.  Her trust in Jesus diminished as darkness pressed her.  She became masked and her eyes were veiled.  When she looked at the world, she viewed it through her many layers.  Her vision was distorted, frightening and she lived in a continual fog.  Moments in her life disappeared as she hid in fear.  Her innocence and sense of freedom was replaced with a ring of darkness.  Her mind was no longer innocent; she was tortured day and night.  She hated herself, and hated this world.  Her hope diminished and her light faded.  She believed she was useless and unlovable.

The little girl who laughed and sang was such a distant memory that she no longer owned her as herself.  To laugh, sing and have joy was foreign to her.  She no longer knew who she was or why she even existed. In the act of protecting herself, she lost herself.  God in His mercy found her.  By this time she was no longer a baby, she was a grown adult.  He knew she no longer needed her layers; that He was enough for her.  I know the journey He took her on intimately, because that little girl was me.

God over many years lovingly whittled away at my layers.  The more I discovered God, the more I found myself.  I am His beautiful precious daughter, the one who He created.  I have been fearfully and wonderfully made.  There is only one me.  My God delights in me and I delight in Him.  I relish His presence.  I can’t get enough of Him.  I am constantly amazed by His wonderful love; you can’t out-love God.  He is my safety.  He is my lover.  There is nothing more intimate then being in His presence.  I talk to Him constantly; He is my best friend.  In Him I have purpose.  He involves me in His plan.  He makes His victory my own.  There is so much joy in His presence.  He is my constant; even in times of adversity when I look to Him, I find Him.  He never leaves me.  I trust Him.

About Vulnerability of the heart

I am a wife, a mother, and a treasured child of God. My Christian faith is my source of strength. I’ve fallen into the depths of despair and been carried out of it in the loving arms of God. By his grace I have been healed. God has taken me on an incredible journey of discovering his love and faithfulness. I believe in a merciful God who has never left me. He is forever faithful.
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5 Responses to What once was lost God has found

  1. Deborah says:

    That’s an amazing photo Cheryl, is that your work? An amazing story too. It’s so true that the more we know God, the more we find ourselves.

    • Yes, it is my work. I try to make sure all of my pictures are my work so there are no copyright issues. I took it some years ago when I was studying photography. Thanks.

      Yes, I remember someone saying in my teens year, you find yourself when you find God . But I never really understood until I found God. I think it is because a large part of finding God involves us dealing with our sinful flesh and other hurtful hindrances. Each time we repent and allow God to remove our sin, it removes blockages that stop us from seeing God clearly. I always liken it to clearing the sticky sludge off the wall of the direct “pipeline” to God. The more sticky muck we have, the harder it is to see God.

  2. I thought I was reading about myself there. Although it is peaceful to find those with similar journeys, it is even more so to find those with the same eternal destination in mind and heart.
    These are blessings I hold dear in our connection.

    • Yes it is amazing how similar our journeys are. I guess there is a similar theme to mental illness – being that, often it is the brains way of coping with trauma. God gave us humans very clever minds. As the creator of our clever minds He is also the one who is able to unlock, reveal, and heal the mind. He is not limited the the little knowledge that we humans have, He knows exactly how we work.

      Hoping you are well. Merry Christmas Heather

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