Focusing on who I am in God

We are in a season of transition. God is ushering in the new. The new season will be trans-formative and have a powerful impact on us and those around us. While it sounds great and even exciting on paper, living out the transition hasn’t been easy. In me it has created an uncertainty, a weariness of the constant onslaught of unforeseen enemy arrows and a stripping away.

A few nights ago, while sleeping, my uncertainty of what to do next was on my mind. I kept asking God, what he wanted me to do and saying that if he just told me I would do it. I was frustrated that I didn’t really know what I was suppose to be doing. I questioned God over and over again in my sleep.

In response God gave me a dream. I was in this outdoor church meeting place. It was in a garden. In the garden, on a hillside, was some audience seats. They focused down to a stage at the bottom on the hill. On this stage was this special small round disk. The disk was red and had a concave impression in it. This red disk represented the podium. At the entrance-way of the meeting place was another disk that was white in colour. I could see people sitting on the chairs, in which I was one of them. On the stage stood a Pastor/leader. The Pastor/leader went and stood by the red round disk on the stage. He pointed to the red disk and the white disk at the entrance. He spoke to the congregation and said these sculptures have recently been put in. He pointed to the red disk and said this represents Christ’s head. Then he pointed to the entrance white disk and said this represents Christ’s base/feet. He pointed to the red disk and said, “When I stand here and take this position I stand in the position representing Christ’s head*. Before I stand here I want to tell you how in awe I am of this. I get to stand in a position of authority, representing Jesus in my leadership. I get to be one with his heart and mind. I am truly humbled to be in this position”. He had this tremendous awareness of what it meant to be a leader representing Jesus. He was a humble man who had a sense of brokenness or fragility. He had a deep awareness of his need of God and an awareness that without God he couldn’t be in this position. He went to stand on the sculpture and start the service. When he did another Pastor with a different heart focus appeared on the path with his congregation. This new Pastor immediately went over to the Pastor/leader and said that he was going to use the facility as he had a dedication of twins. This new Pastor informed the Pastor/leader that he and the congregation had to leave. The new Pastor wanted the position and he strongly believed that what he was doing was more important or had greater significance to what this leader and the people already in the meeting place were doing. While the new Pastor was trying to secure the facility, people in the two ‘congregations’ started to talk and greet each other (as many knew each other). The only real separation between them was due to one congregation being on the path and the other being high on the auditorium seats. There was no tension. There was a general awareness of one another, a respect and friendship/care. After discussions between the two Pastors had finished, the Pastor/leader said to his ‘congregation’, “We can have church anywhere”. He then invited his congregation to the auditorium exit on the opposite of the stage. Immediately the new Pastor let out a big cheer and said to his people, “We secured the place!” In haste he went and stood on the red disk representing Jesus head and authority. After this time the dream came to an end.

What struck me about the dream was despite what had just occurred, the first Pastor/leader still remained at peace and humble. He didn’t have a sense of loss. He had this awareness that he couldn’t lose what he already had. That him not standing on that sculptural red disk didn’t mean he had lost his position. No disk was going to give him that, he had his position in Christ where-ever he went. He had this sense of awe of Jesus and what God had given to him. He also had an awesome awareness of his authority, position in Christ etc. He didn’t need to take possession of some sculptural representation, nor did he have to devise something that was incredibly important (ie a twin dedication) to gain that position. He knew who he was in God, and what he already had. He wasn’t threatened by the new Pastor and his demand. He knew that where-ever he went he had his God-given place and his God-given significance. He also knew that he could meet with his family anywhere and it still had significance to God.

I awoke from this dream initially confused as to how my sub-conscious questioning and the dream was linked. It was a very interesting response from God. I wrote down the dream and as I did his answer started to unfold. He showed me how the second Pastor was focused on his earthly position and what was important to man. This Pastor wasn’t given his position, but rather, ‘stole’ it from another. The original Pastor/leader in the dream, in contrast, understood his heavenly position. He knew God and was in awe of him. He was incredibly humble and his focus was on God’s heart, mind and will. As well as this, the Pastor/leader knew who he was in God and that his heavenly position (and all that came with it) was a gift from God.

God started to speak to me and say that right now my focus should not be on what I am doing, but who I am in him. As I wrote down the dream it became apparent that God wanted me to find security in my ‘position’ in him. He didn’t want my focus to be on some man-made representation of my position/role. That even if I ‘lost’ my man-made position(s) (which in many ways I have), that I shouldn’t lose peace. Unlike man-given roles, my heavenly position was a gift from him and therefore I couldn’t lose it. That it was an awesome gift and it had far-greater significance then any man-made equivalent. Unlike man’s equivalent, God’s gift came with great power, authority and blessing. As well as this, no man-made equivalent even came close to it’s height and position.

I can see that a part of the discomfort I am feeling in this time of transition is the stripping away of anything that would hinder me from arising to my heavenly position given from God. That there are certain mindsets and desires that are actually limiting me. God is asking me to take my focus off of what I am doing (and the flesh acknowledgement that comes with that), onto who I am in him. He is really desiring in me humility and an understanding of his awesomeness. He wants me to see how what he has on offer is so much greater then anything this world has. When my focus is on him, and his gift, it results in a greater certainty and peace in me. This is something that I truly desire. A letting go of temporary things such as earthly roles, opinions of man and a holding on to what really matters – God. He has sacrificed so much for me and is offering the greatest gift that I could ever have – eternal life. Often we focus on the gift of eternal life after our death. In truth the gift of eternal life starts now. I don’t need to wait til my death to partake in the fruit of his eternal life. Eternal life includes all things that Jesus claimed back through his death and resurrection. Things like forgiveness, the ability to dwell with God and have him with me now. I can partake in my God-given heavenly giftings and authority now. I can have Christ’s healing now and allow him to use me in my everyday life. The gift of eternal life is so full and precious and encompasses my life now and after my death. This earth can offer amazing things, but it can’t offer me the gift of eternal life and God’s Holy Spirit moving, living in and through me now (John 3).

* (Of note he wasn’t saying he was ‘Christ’s head’, but he was inferring to having the mind of Christ and the gifts given to him from Christ)

About Vulnerability of the heart

I am a wife, a mother, and a treasured child of God. My Christian faith is my source of strength. I’ve fallen into the depths of despair and been carried out of it in the loving arms of God. By his grace I have been healed. God has taken me on an incredible journey of discovering his love and faithfulness. I believe in a merciful God who has never left me. He is forever faithful.
This entry was posted in Christian Experience, cross, Faith and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Focusing on who I am in God

  1. Mel Wild says:

    “God started to speak to me and say that right now my focus should not be on what I am doing, but who I am in him.”
    Well said. That’s a very good place to be. 🙂

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