I was holding my little one in my arms tonight just before her bedtime. She loves cuddles and so do I. I sat there looking into her big blue eyes and was swept away in adoration. Her beauty moved me, and I started to speak to her about the joy of having her in my life. I repeatedly told her how beautiful she was and how much I loved her. I told her she was a gift from God. I watched her face absorb every word. She wasn’t saying anything, but I could see her responding to my words. She was peaceful in my arms. I know at that moment she was feeling loved.
Lately I have been feeling like somethings wrong with me. My mind has been filled with haunting insecure thoughts… “What’s wrong with me?” “I’ve put on weight, am I too fat?” “Is there some wrong with the way I speak…?” I haven’t felt like this in a long time. During this time God has been whispering sweet nothings to me; reminding me of who I am to Him. I have woken in the morning to His voice telling me I am beautiful and He loves me. In times of anguish about my body, He has spoken of my beauty. He’s encouraged me to see myself as He sees me. He’s asked me to embrace the person He’s made and to not hide myself in shame.
The other day I was trying to work out what to wear for the day. I asked God if something looked beautiful on me. His response was, “Cheryl you’re beautiful”. This same way of conversing with God occurred over the next few mornings. One morning I asked Him, “God if my clothes were mismatched and they didn’t look right, would you still say I am beautiful?” His answer was, “Cheryl you’re beautiful”. When God said this, He wasn’t saying that He didn’t care about what I was wearing, more that His opinion of me wasn’t going to change based on my outward appearance.
After putting my children to bed tonight, I dwelt on the enjoyment and love I have for them. My children are like most children, they have good and bad moments. In fact my youngest, who I was holding tonight, can be a bit of a handful. Yet as we both stopped for quiet time together, I was blown away by her beauty. As I thought about this, it occurred to me that this overwhelming love that I had for her tonight bypassed all of her cheekiness and stubbornness. It was my natural mother response to just stop and delight in her existence. I am failable in my love and can achieve this. God is infallible in His love. How much must He love me, His daughter! How much pleasure and delight must my Daddy-God have in me! I get so caught up in wanting to be loved or even liked by others and yet I have a Heavenly Father who just adores and lavishes me with love.