A lot has happened over the last four or so months, things that I have relied on have been stripped away. I have been shaken to my core in my close relationships. One night I was emotionally broken and crying in bed. I cried out to God, “I know you’re here, but I feel so alone”. God responded with a vision. In this vision there was a great storm and a flood. I could see my house engulfed by the flood so that all I could see was the tip of the rooftop. Upon seeing this vision, I asked Jesus where He was. He responded, “I am right here”. I looked to my left and right and above me, but could not find Him. I kept searching and was surprised to find Him underneath me. I said to Him, “What are you doing there?” He responded, “I am holding you up”.
This picture described exactly how I felt. I felt like everything precious to me, my household, was broken beyond repair. I felt like I was in a storm that I could not stop; like I was drowning in pain and heartache. God revealed to me that night that He understood my pain and that no matter the storm, or my feelings of loss concerning my household, He was faithfully holding me up ensuring that I would not drown.
God has proved Himself true to His promise. I have had many days and nights of anguish in the last four months and every time God has been there carrying me. Something that I have learnt during this time is that our external circumstances don’t always reflect the truth of God’s victory. My emotions have often been contradictory to God’s truth. At times my struggle has been so great that all I have had to hold on to has been the words of truth that God has spoken to me (i.e. He would be the one to fix things… etc), my faith and my knowledge of God’s character.
My husband and I have recently made a decision to move to Sydney. For those who don’t know where I currently reside, I live south of Adelaide, Australia. Adelaide is like a country town in comparison to Sydney. I grew up here, my parents and siblings are here. My home is a 15 minute drive from the winery district of McLaren Vale, 15 minute drive from the beautiful Port Noarlunga beach and about a 45 minute drive from the city. Where we are moving to is 1400 km (around 870 miles) from Adelaide, which is about 16 hours driving (no small feat with three young children). This is really a move of faith to us. If we didn’t feel as if God was in this, we would not be doing it. Over the last 6 or so weeks God has made it very clear to my husband and I that this is where He wants us to move. Why? I don’t know; believe me I have questioned Him. But as I often say, I believe that His purpose and will is perfect and I am choosing to trust Him.
Our new chapter begins in February. We have an enormous job to do in preparing our home for renting, as well as packing and throwing things out. We have cried many tears of grief and begun to say our goodbyes. We are praying for God to provide a home; that He would give us wisdom in choosing the right school for our children and help us find a church that we can call family.
With all the happenings, being: Christmas, birthdays, a trip to Tasmania for my brother-in-laws wedding, renovations, moving, as well as house, school and church finding… I may have to temporarily disappear from the blogging community. I am praying that you all have a beautiful Christmas, and be amazed by God’s vision for your year(s) to come.